he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
