on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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