Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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