I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
