Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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