Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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