He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
