think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
