I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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