I think I died a long time ago.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
