The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
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