well he's currently spooning the coffee table
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
