A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Randomize
