I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Randomize
