You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
