i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
