Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
You need Xanax blowdarts
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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