Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
