ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
