can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
