I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
