i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
