We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
