and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
