sarcasm needs its own font
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
