My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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