If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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