Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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