at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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