I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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