In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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