His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
