On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
