My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
