you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
