I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
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