Is it normal to miss your booty call?
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Randomize
