Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
