If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
