Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
