do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
