Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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