2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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