At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
