I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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