I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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