Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
