just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
