OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
honey bunches of taint.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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