I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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