She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I just found puke in my bra..
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
