If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
