just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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