New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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