I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
