everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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