I think i peed on brittanys purse
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
