omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
